How high is that wave?

One of the most ridiculous arguments of all time has to do with how surfer’s in Hawaii measure wave height.

How hard can it be? Look at the wave. Measure the distance from the lowest point in front of the wave, the base, to the highest point on top of the wave.

A wave that measures four feet from top to bottom would be a four foot wave, right? Wrong. Surfers in Hawaii have no less than half a dozen ways to measure a wave’s height.

One of them is so silly I can only assume that it’s satire, mocking the complicated methodology some surfers use to measure a wave’s height. Read the detailed explanation on the s-spot and see if you don’t conclude the obvious. It’s a nutty way to measure anything.

A wave with a 20 foot face, that part of the wave that a surfer rides, would be a mere eight feet (insert laughable double take here). Are surfers just not able to handle the math? Or, is wave height handled like golf? The lower the number, the better.

“Take the wave face and divide by two; examine the result… to see how many multiples of five it contains; and, for each multiple subtract one foot.”

Uh huh. If you buy that nonsense then I have a bridge in Brooklyn you should buy. I’ll make you a good deal. Trust me.

One of the funniest instances of the controversy is recorded on Mixed Plate. It’s not much better, but at least one method says you need a ruler or a yardstick to measure a wave properly. That conversation ends with a measurement we all know and love.

Measure the back of the wave.

You’re probably thinking, “Uh, how? Don’t you ride the front of the wave? Why measure the back side of the wave?” Forgetting the “why” for a moment (it’s just not worth going there), the methodology is quite local in origin. It’s the Inverse Haole Formula.

The formula is 1/H*50 = wave height, where H equals the number of haoles on the break. Easy, right?

Racism not withstanding, even tried and true local methods of wave hight measurement don’t stand up to a test of logic, coherence, math, or history. Greg Small of the Associated Press covered the issue and determined that “while the rest of the world rides five-footers, those same size waves in Hawaii would be dismissed as three-footers.” So, a local wave measurement is 60-percent of wave height, trough to crest.

Yes. And no. One of the reasons given for the lower-than-actual wave height measurement in Hawaii is to downplay the wave size to downplay the seriousness of the wave. It’s like golf. The lower number is better.

It’s all a moot point as the National Weather Service has adopted the front of the wave as the standard of measurement, from lowest point in the trough of the wave, to the peak or crest of the wave. Logic and math have won out, right? No, locals still measure waves from the back and apply some kind of formula depending on the racial makeup of the surfers waiting to catch the next wave.