The Pigeons and the King

There are a number of things in life that are certain. Death and taxes top the list of things all of us will experience, sooner or later.

Having a statue erected in our honor is an event for the celebrated few; sports heroes, politicians, business leaders, and kings. If I were a king I would ask that no one erect a statue of me after my death. Or, before.

Why? Two words: pigeon poop.

Near downtown Honolulu, along King Street and across from Iolani Palace, is a statue honoring King Kamehameha. There should be little doubt that the man is deserving of some memorial honoring his life and contribution to the Hawaiian people.

A statue that attracts pigeon poop is the wrong way to show honor. What is honorable about viewing a statue covered in slimy, sticky, and eventually dried pigeon poop? Nothing.

The King’s statue is cleaned from time to time, but is it really ‘clean‘ clean, as in ‘Mister Clean‘ clean? How would King Kamehameha feel about seeing our enormous pigeon population do their deeds all over his likeness, despite a regular janitorial maintenance schedule?

I suspect that the King would prefer another way to receive honor. How about naming a highway after King Kamehameha? Sorry. That idea has been taken.

Consider the highway as a memorial. Is a highway an honorable place that causes one to remember the famous and notorious? Highways are where road rage occurs and pot holes breed. Could it be that we name highways and streets after notable and worthy people because we have so many of the former and so few of the latter?

After all, there is no Jesus Parkway, or Avenue of the Gods. Why? Because they know better. So should we.