The solution to Hawaii’s frog war

Hawaii’s school children are being trained in the art of frog combat, thanks to the Big Island’s infestation of the vicious coqui frog.

The eastern side of Hawaii has a very large population of coqui frogs, those tiny reptilian creatures who chirp and annoy and irritate, thereby maiming the peaceful serenity of island sleepers.

The state’s solution? Train school students on how to capture and kill the coqui frog, and give them rewards as an incentive. It’s a plan of action, a plan of intrigue, a plan of trading dead coqui frogs for iPods. Students are being trained to kill the wicked creatures by dousing them with acid or lime, freezing them, even cooking them.

Therein lies both a major problem for our young, and the obvious solution to the massive invasion of the coqui frog. Are we not teaching children how to be cruel to animals? Yes, coqui frogs are small, but it’s animal cruelty nevertheless. If the Big Island had too many cute and fluffy rabbits, would we teach and entice our youth to beat bunnys to death with clubs, and rewarding their efforts with the latest gadgets?

Cruelty to animals can be sanctioned and approved by the state. There is precedent. Chicken, fish, cattle, are all slaughtered and enjoyed by the local populace. What of the invading coqui frog menace? Let’s put a price tag on their little reptile heads. But instead of trading dead coqui frogs for money, make them a delicacy, part of the local cuisine, cook them, sell them.

Instead of school contests to reward students for the most coqui conquered, let’s reward the little critters (the children, not the frogs) with a contest to see who can come up with the best tasting recipes for cooking the critters (the frogs, not the children).

Let the whole coqui frog debacle become a simple supply and demand option for a nutritious breakfast. Eating the abundant supply of coqui frogs will create demand, which will reduce supply, which will increase the bounty for each frog. Hawaii has culinary arts classes in high school and college. Put the students to work to create the best tasting recipe for coqui frog.

I envision a full menu of local delicacies to be exported from Hawaii to the world– sushi coqui, kalbi coqui, coqui burgers, deep fried coqui, Kozo Koqui or Genki Coqui, or even coqui tail soup.

Our coqui frog war is being mismanaged by Hawaii’s Department of Education. Instead of eradication efforts, we should be working on culinary efforts. It’s the only viable solution to Hawaii’s frog war.