The Saga of Noah’s Super Ark

The biblical Noah, the preacher of righteousness and originator of ark building, didn’t have much success convincing his contemporaries to pay attention to God’s will. He followed God’s plan, built an ark, and saved mankind (not to mention animalkind and the shipping industry).

What if Noah lived in Hawaii and God told him to build the ark here?

Uh oh.

Chances are good that local residents would ban together and file a lawsuit to prevent construction of Noah’s Super Ark, citing potential damage to the environment, perhaps even requiring a detailed environmental impact study. Who knows what damage a Super Ark could do to God’s precious, unspoiled islands?

Hawaii’s labor unions would picket Noah’s construction site, pointing out that his three sons were not union employees, perhaps calling the sons scabs, or citing substandard work from his inexperienced crew of ark builders.

Failing an effort to stop the ark’s construction, environmental experts would orchestrate pickets and protests over the ark’s eventual launch. Why? Well, an ark might require a large dock from which to sail, and facilities would have to be built using taxpayer money.

Divine intervention may be required to get Noah’s Super Ark to sail, though Hawaii’s lawmakers would want assurances from God that the ark would have a navigation plan to avoid whales, would not float faster than 13 knots, and not dump animal waste material into the ocean between the islands.

To ensure that Noah’s Super Ark properly adhered to the legislated restrictions, Nephilim would be required to ride the Super Ark with Noah’s family.

His sovereignty bruised by the unprovoked attacks on his lawful right to direct mankind toward a new world, the Almighty eventually moved Noah’s family and the Super Ark project away from Hawaii altogether, eventually settling in a more hospitable location near what would become Turkey.